


What if...

by Lunlun



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Fluff, Get Together, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-21
Updated: 2020-05-21
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:47:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24307678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lunlun/pseuds/Lunlun
Summary: The stars shine brightly as Odo settles back into his old quarters. He would love to say it’s as he left them. But nothing is. Sisko isn’t here, his relationship with Kira just as abysmally absent as he’d expected it to be. She’s moved on and Odo is happy for her. Nothing but happy. But as he looks out into the vastness that is the universe, as the stars twinkle and sing of promises and hopes and wishes from the past –decades away if not centuries– he wonders for a second if they tell the story of thirty years ago, when he left the station to never return. Joined the link to be one with them forever. Left behind what he considered his one true love. Kira.
Relationships: Odo/Quark (Star Trek)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 34





	What if...

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to my first Quodo fic.  
> One could call this an experimental fic.  
> I like playing around with poetic language.
> 
> I hope you'll have as much fun reading this as I had fun writing it.

The stars shine brightly as Odo settles back into his old quarters. He would love to say it’s as he left them. But nothing is. Sisko isn’t here, his relationship with Kira just as abysmally absent as he’d expected it to be. She’s moved on and Odo is happy for her. Nothing but happy. But as he looks out into the vastness that is the universe, as the stars twinkle and sing of promises and hopes and wishes from the past –decades away if not centuries– he wonders for a second if they tell the story of thirty years ago, when he left the station to never return. Joined the link to be one with them forever. Left behind what he considered his one true love. Kira. 

Yet there he was. Looking out the same window he did thirty years ago. Wondering how much has changed. Hoping to find what he’s come to find. His insides flutter, his eyes close.

The link had taught him many things. Many of which being that he was not to consider his own wishes alone. That the universe existed in nothing but a vacuum. Yet that it was tuned into what could be called order and chaos at the same time. That the one did not matter in a big scheme of many. That being the one and the many also meant to consider and reevaluate how he viewed the relationships he’s acquired along the way. And if there was one thing he’s learned in his long time of thinking and linking and feeling –what seemed like clarity for the first time in his life– is that he’s been viewing everything from the wrong point of view.

How biased he’s been by his own experiences and what he expected from the world around him, and even from himself. 

His wishes to be more and never less were as selfish as his inane wish to bring law into lawless places, to bring order where none could be sought.

And it clashed, it clashed with what the founders found as a truth for themselves.

But Odo as he was in the sea of many was still the individual his friends helped shape. He was still a child of many cultures, ideas and ideologies. He was he. He survived with the help of his friends, he didn’t give up since they believed in him and he was shaped to someone better because they gave parts of themselves to him.

Odo steps closer to the window. 

He hopes he’ll find what he’s here to find. Find that one part of himself that burned with what seemed like wonder and curiosity. It wasn’t that he never experienced these emotions, it was more that he never experienced them with regret at the same time. With what ifs filling his mind. He reached his clarity in the link. It was time after thirty years. Finally he left it. In search of what ifs. Exploring, the passive need of curiosity that spurred him back here, where everything started and ended. Where everything pulled him apart and completed him at the same time. Where he met new people, said hellos and goodbyes.

Deep Space 9.

* * *

Odo’s very being was shaped in these corridors when he could finally escape doctor Morra. He wondered for a short moment if he was alive; if he should give into that little twinge of curiosity. But in the end, he didn’t, didn’t want to humor the thought further than the first initial moment. 

He finds himself wandering the corridors of so many years ago. The station itself, the metals and the conduits had not changed.

But the people.

None of them were as he remembered them. The people had changed. Kasedy and Sisko’s child had grown, turned into an adult and left the station; just as Kasedy, just as Jake, just as Rom and just as Leeta.

Apart from Kira there were no familiar faces greeting him. And it was fine. He didn’t want to speak. Not yet. Not before he finds his what ifs.

Kira is the one leading the station, her iron grip as strong as it was thirty years ago. Her smile as brilliant as it was then too, but her eyes filled with wisdom that only age could bring –a mind shaped into new heights. She was a great leader.

She has softened over the years. Her words never harsh as she spoke to Odo. She never asked him where he’s been for such a long time. Didn’t ask him about the founders, merely acknowledged the shared feeling of, finally, we meet again. Gave him a hug and a smile.

She knew why he was here. And she’d given him hope. That the what ifs of his mind would return soon. That they were on their way through the grand universe, through the wormhole, back from the gamma quadrant just as Odo. Just as he.

“You’ve changed.” Kira had said to him.

“You’ve a calm air around yourself.” She had stopped, looked at him deeply thoughtful and pained for a moment. “But not like the time of the occupation.”

And Odo had nodded in response. No words had been needed to express what he thought. There were none to be said. None until he knew what to say. Until they would spill, pile into an avalanche not to be ignored. Neither by him nor anybody else. 

* * *

Days go by so do weeks until he realizes that his wait is futile. He wants to ask Kira but the words they won’t come. Yet she understands, her lips are thin as she nods. Her hands type across the panel, making a call. Then his what ifs find shape and form and life but it’s not here, it’s not with him. Then they talk to Kira, not to him. Tired is the sound of his what ifs. Filled with a rasp that cannot be explained away by age.

Odo grips onto his own arm, not ready, not yet. Not until he sees his what ifs. And they speak to him, only to him.

“I’ll be back in a week.”

That’s all it is. A timespan so small. So insignificant. Yet Odo’s insides stir and he cannot think of a way to explain if it’s excitement or something entirely else.

“Alright.” Kira answers, then turns to Odo. “I’m sorry.” She says.

Her eyes are soft, understanding and somewhat remorseful. But Odo doesn’t understand. It’s only a week. Odo has been away for thirty years. He’s only realized the questions just a year ago. So, waiting for another week could not hurt, couldn’t be hard.

* * *

The week Odo spends with waiting, one of Kira’s adopted children visits. He sees the grown half Bajoran half Cardassian child. His face soft like the Bajorans but his eyes sharp like the ones of a Cardassian. Odo wonders for a moment how hard it could be for the half Bajoran and half Cardassian children on Bajor. How the relationship between the two war torn nations have developed.

But he isn’t here on a diplomatic mission. He isn’t here for history. He’s had that in the link en mass. The continues stream of knowledge, was as much bliss as was the order with how the founders thought and taught, showed affection and shared. Odo closes his eyes. 

The child is as strong willed as Kira. Her nature must’ve rubbed off on him. His gaze directed at Odo for a long time before he continues to his mother’s office. 

Odo has never wondered what it would be like to have stayed with Kira and not having joined the link. He hasn’t wondered about the what ifs with her, has never assumed there would be any. He could’ve never foreseen that the what ifs were reserved for someone else. 

Odo returns to his quarters after a last look at Kira and her son talking with each other. A family. Down in Bajor Kira’s wife was with their other younger children that attended school.

* * *

Odo is in his quarters for the majority of his stay. Either in a gelatinous state or he finds himself watching the stars as they shine brightly against the darkness that is the black matter of space. 

Odo wonders if his what ifs have looked at the same stars just ten maybe twenty years ago and wondered just as he does right now. Maybe his what ifs never truly thought about the past like Odo did. Maybe, maybe his what ifs were just that. Possibilities that could never be. But Odo needed to know. He wanted to see for himself.

* * *

The week passes agonizingly slow. For a Changeling like himself it’s surprising to feel the time after having experienced true timelessness. 

Then the day arrives, and he gets a com from Kira.

Odo walks down the corridors, his legs long, his steps big, his walk fast. He finds himself hurrying, hurrying for those what ifs that seemed so unimportant before his time in the link. And when he reaches the docking bay there they are. His what ifs. Standing. Frozen, the second they lay their eyes on Odo.

Odo takes a step forward and his what ifs stay, rooted to their place. The time flow changes, it’s like experiencing the timelessness in the link. Odo doesn’t stop, he walks fast and he only stops just mere inches away, looking and taking in. The many colors, the suit and the red skin.

“Quark.” He rasps. And he wishes for his words to carry more meaning than they can express. He wants Quark to see; he wants him to feel what Odo feels and he wants the answers. Odo has so many questions. “Quark…” He repeats in a breath. 

Quark’s eyes widen. He stares just as much as his mouth hangs open. “Odo?” He says. As his eyes narrow and his lips wobble and the tears start. “It’s you?” His hand is on Odo’s face and Odo can’t say anything. There are no words. “You’re back?” Quark says, his breath hot, his tears real and his hand soft against Odo’s shifted skin. He misses it the second Quark has his hand fall down to his side.

Odo’s expected screams, mocking but all he gets are those eyes that Odo has refused to meet. Eyes he’s refused to see and take in for the majority of his stay on Deep Space 9.

He gets eyes that put the stars just outside his window to shame. They’re filled with emotions Odo could never possibly capture in words. They’re filled with forgiveness where non should be. And they seem like an answer to the wish inside Odo.

“What if.” Odo finally says. They should get more privacy somewhere else than in the docking bay. But the moment is important, the surroundings aren’t and Odo has learned to ignore what is not important. “What if…” He repeats, Quark so close, so very attentive as he hangs onto each of Odo’s words. “I saw you earlier?” Confusion riddles those wonderful eyes. “What if I noticed you?”

“Odo, you’re talking nonsense.”

“I’m not, Quark.” One of Odo’s hands comes up. He places it gingerly on Quark’s cheek, “What if, it was you.”

Quark’s eyes widen even more. He blinks quickly, the tears have no chance to escape his eyes. “Me?” His voice breaks.

“Yes, what if it was you.” Odo repeats. “You’re the what ifs, Quark.”

“I’m what?”

“You’re the what ifs.”

“Odo are you sick?”

“No…” Odo leans down, just a hair's width apart from Quark’s face. “I found my what ifs in you, Quark.” He feels Quark’s breaths against his lips. “You’re the question and the answers. You’re the one among the many.” Quark doesn’t move. He only watches with wide eyes. “You’re the sea and you’re the drop. You’re the stars and the vacuum.”

“Odo you aren’t making any sense.”

“Listen.” Odo says, his eyes move across Quark’s face, mapping every crease. Finding new creases, remembering others from the past. “You’re the one person that could drive me out. Quark you’re the what ifs. You’re the curious wonder, you’re the one who understands, you’re the light just as the darkness. You’re the chaos to my order-“

Then Quark captures his lips into a kiss, and Odo can’t form any more words. Order has been stopped by chaos. Plans have been dissolved by curiosity. The what ifs rise, there are answers to some of them but many more form. However, their shape has changed, their motive recalculated. When their lips part it’s Quark who talks.

“What if.” He says, licks his lips. “What if we tried? What if we forgot the past?”

Odo opens his eyes, wants to speak but is silenced yet again. He can’t forget the past. The past made the present, the present encapsulated Quark. So, the past was important for this moment. He didn’t want to forget. He’d never want to forget.

“Thirty years.” Quark whispers when their lips part. “Thirty years. You’re back after thirty years.”

“I am.” Odo whispers, their lips barely touching. “You’re the what ifs. The only one. And I didn’t see. I didn’t realize.”

“I still don’t get what you mean.” Quark huffs a laugh. “But I’m just happy you’re back. I knew you loved me. I said it, didn’t I?” His breaths are trembling as he laughs and smiles with tears trailing down his face.

Odo nods. “I wondered, what if I realized that day, just before leaving? What if I kissed you in front of everyone? What if I wasn’t thirty years late?”

“Does it matter?” Quark pulls away, his face soft. “You’re here now.”

Was it really that easy? How could Quark let him in, just like that. Like nothing had happened. As if he hadn’t just left without a goodbye.

“I wanted to be angry.” Quark says, with a sad smile. “The first few years I was sure I would scream so loud they’d hear it in the gamma quadrant. But-“ He takes a big shaky breath. “Thirty years must’ve softened me. It just wasn’t the same without you. So much changed. So much. I gave up yet didn’t seem to be able to move on. I wanted to sell the bar so many times, but I didn’t. Somewhere my heart was clawing to the hope of you returning.” Quark takes another shaky breath. “And I was right…” His lips wobble. “You’re back.”

“I am.” Odo closes his eyes, opens them. “And I’ll stay here.”

"I hope so."

Odo has found his what ifs. Thirty years later than he should’ve. But there was a saying in the human world. Better late than never.

As much as Odo missed the link already, he couldn’t otherwise but be happy about having followed the regretful curiosity that brought him back here.

He looks into Quark’s eyes and he sees the universe. He sees the chaos in the order, he sees the beauty in the unpredictable. And he sees that life isn’t about being comfortable, or order, or even about being happy. It’s about chances, it’s about finding, it’s about regret but also unquenchable curiosity to find the answers to those questions that burn.

Life isn’t about definitives, it’s about possibilities. It’s about asking oneself, again and again and at some point, one last time,

what if…

**Author's Note:**

> Comments would be cool!  
> They add to my life - help be become an immortal.


End file.
